Goodbye My Lover
by DakotaRei
Summary: SchuxBrad. Schuldig is dying, and Brad is afraid he won't have enough time to tell him everything he needs to. Songfic. Warning: Deathfic. Disclaimer: Don't own WK characters. Don't own the song. Don't sue me.


1**"Goodbye My Lover"_  
_**

Bradley Crawford sat in the chair next to the window, looking out over the city from the still hospital room. He glanced over his shoulder at the man laying in the hospital bed behind him and immediately turned his attention back to the window. He couldn't stand to see his friend -his lover- the way he was. Lying in the hospital bed, with a tube to help him breathe, an IV to give him nutrients, a machine to monitor his heart, and so many other tubes and gadgets that Brad didn't care to know the purpose of. All signs that the strong man he knew and loved was almost gone. But he couldn't avoid it. He knew that he was almost out of time. And there were things that needed to be said before that time ran out.

Brad lifted himself out of the chair and stepped slowly up to the bed. He looked down at the red haired man in front of him and his breath caught. Brad turned his back to the bed and raised his hand to his mouth, trying to keep himself under control. Ever since the day Schuldig had collapsed in the apartment the two men shared with their teammates, Brad had been on the edge of losing all control. That day, they had rushed Schuldig to the hospital and the doctors had immediately began testing Schuldig. After what seemed like an eternity to Brad, the doctors had informed him that the reason for Schuldig's collapse had been a brain tumor. A brain tumor that had been growing in Schuldig's brain for so long that it had slowly taken over. The tumor had grown to the point where Schuldig's brain could no longer function, and was slowly shutting itself down. The doctors had said that no amount of surgery could save Schuldig from the inevitable. They had given him a week. But Fate had told Brad otherwise. His Schuldig wouldn't make it through 4 days. It was now around midnight, on the third night after Schuldig's diagnosis.  
_  
Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.  
So I took what's mine by eternal right.  
Took your soul out into the night.  
It may be over but it won't stop there,  
I am here for you if you'd only care.  
You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
I've kissed your lips and held your head.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you._

Brad turned back to face the bed again, and pulled another chair up close so he could sit next to the bed. He reached out to take Schuldig's hand, but hesitated. Should he touch him? Would it hurt him more? Brad shook his head, telling himself he was being ridiculous, and took Schuldig's limp hand in his. He held the unconscious man's hand in both of his and projected his thoughts at the telepath.

/Schuldig. I don't even know if you can hear me. The tumor may have blocked everything. If it has I hope you are also not in pain. Schuldig, how can it have reached this point? How can you have not known something was wrong? How could I have not Seen this in time? Are you disappointed in me? For failing to see this coming? I will understand if you are, I've let you down. I should have seen this. I _should have! _If I had perhaps...perhaps it wouldn't have to end this way./ Brad choked back a sob and took a deep breath to compose himself again.

/Ending. This really is the end isn't it Schuldig? I can't believe it. There was so much more that we were supposed to do together. We were supposed to break free of SS, we were going to be free Schuldig. Free! It's what we always wanted. Well, I suppose this is your freedom, in a way. There was so much more, more than I can tell you now, because it's too late. But through all of it, we were together. _You were always by my side._ But now you won't be. Schuldig, I never told you how much you meant to me. When I met you, I changed. I stopped caring about SS. All I cared about was you, and us. All I wanted was to be with you. And after we became lovers, I thought everything would be alright. Everything would be alright forever, because we were together. But I was blind. I didn't let myself see the possibility of something going wrong. I didn't let myself see what _I_ was doing wrong. Schuldig, I never told you.../ Brad broke off and laid his head on the bed next to Schuldig's, feeling his long red hair under his cheek. He turned his head into the long locks and inhaled, trying to smell the scent of Schuldig one last time. But all of Schuldig's scent was covered with hospital smells. Brad sighed.

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

I am a dreamer but when I wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the father of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you.  


/Schu...I never told you all that I felt for you. Schuldig, I know you are leaving soon, I don't know where you are going, if there is a Heaven or a Hell. I just don't know. But wherever you find yourself, know that I am still here, waiting for the day when I will join you. Don't forget me Schu. Don't forget _us._ Remember everything. Remember all the good times we had, and all the bad. Just in case I forget some of it. Because when I do get to be by your side again, I _want_ to be able to remember it all. Because I love you Schu. I never told you that. I always thought you just knew, but you deserved to hear it. You deserved to _know. _Schu, do you hear me? I love you. I love you...I love you so much. How am I going to go on without you/

Brad broke off his thoughts again, unable to stop the stream of tears from falling. A loud sob escaped is throat and then he was clutching Schuldig's hand to his cheek, crying in earnest.

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

And I still hold your hand in mine.  
In mine when I'm asleep.  
And I will bare my soul in time,  
When I'm kneeling at your feet.  
Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.  


/Schuldig! Don't leave me! I'm begging you, please, don't go. I don't want to go on without you, I don't know if I can. I've told you everything I ever should have. I've showed you my soul. _Please stay with me..._/

Brad broke off again, sobs racking his body. And through the sound of his own sobs he heard the heart monitor on the other side of Schuldig's bed. It had been steadily beeping all night, letting the room know that Schuldig's heart was still beating. Still fighting to live. But now, it faltered. It beeped once, and then nothing, no sound. Then there were a few rapid beeps, close together. Then silence again. Brad's sobs quieted as he held his breath listening for the next beep. But instead, the monitor let out one continuous unending beep. Brad stared at the flat line on the little monitor as tears continued to slide down his cheeks. It was over. He had no more time to make things right, no more time to guarantee Schuldig that he was loved, no more time to simply _be_ with Schuldig. His love was gone. And all the emotion and pain that had rocked Brad's mind a few seconds before as he gave his desperate plea for Schuldig to stay, left his body, leaving him feeling empty and numb. He continued to hold Schuldig's hand, barely noticing as a nurse came in and quietly unplugged the heart monitor. There was probably some procedure to follow, but Brad didn't care, and the nurse silently left the room once the sound had stopped, leaving Brad to his grief.

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.  
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.  
_

As Brad sat in shocked silence beside the bed, he felt a strange pressure against the back of his eyes. He opened his mind to the vision. But what Brad received wasn't a vision. It was a single word. His name. Spoken in the voice of his love. And accompanying Schuldig's voice was a rush of emotion. Regret at the time they lost. Anger at his life being cut short. Disappointment, in both Brad and himself for not realizing his failing health sooner. Happiness, at all Brad had just told him. Sadness, at leaving Brad on his own. Fear, for Brad, being left on his own. And a million other indescribable emotions. But above all those things, was Schuldig's love for Brad, shining like a ray of hope. A promise, that eventually they would be together again. And then it faded. Brad felt tears flowing down his cheeks again, knowing that this was Schuldig's goodbye. Things would never be the same, and things would never be alright, not without Schuldig by his side. But eventually, they would be together again. And Brad could live on, knowing that was true.


End file.
